When you make a post and hit publish I would hazard a guess that for most people, including myself, your mind has a little empty moment. All those thoughts that were swirling around got put down, the canvas wiped clean, and that tiny fear of what next comes creeping back in. But then somewhere a spark ignites, a flutter of a butterfly’s wings, and it’s off you go again.
Yesterday was one of those times, and even better. The spark became a fire, the flutter a typhoon, and my head was swimming with inspiration. Ideas were coming to me so fast I was struggling to get them written down, afraid I would forget an important word.
I was looking forward to the chance to get them written up. I had even sneaked out of bed last night when my son was asleep to get a piece written, at least on paper. I was filled with ideas of hope, enthusiasm, inspiration. Moments from my progressive journey that might help others as they have helped myself. How I have seen my mindset changing, and continually so. Even the difference between me now, and me 4 weeks ago.
But, as in this journey of life, a blind corner appeared. Instead of going straight the ball curved away. It reminded me of that infamous, contentious boxer Mike Tyson: “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth”.
See, it’s 9:25am. I am sitting in my work clothes on the sofa in the living room. My boy is currently laying across the rest of it. He wasn’t well all weekend and this morning he had no interest in eating his breakfast. He loves his food, admittedly more than I, and when he doesn’t want any it’s a sure sign something is up. He’s been running a temperature, has a sore throat and an upset tummy. There is a bug going around at the moment so I am not too worried and have taken the appropriate steps. I know he’ll be fine. It’s just one of those things.
The problem is, as I have said in previous posts (See: Don’t Let Your Mind be Your Enemy and From Loser to Legend), his attendance is being very closely monitored and I am on a written warning from work regarding the same issue. This has all been due to the fallout of his mum and I’s separation. We are on a very fine line that only seems to be getting finer.
I am expecting some fallout from this. Unlike before I am not going to concern myself with the unknown, the possible repercussions. They will be dealt with as they are faced. Because right now, I am right where I need to be, where he needs me to be. Right by his side. (Obviously with a pen and paper).
I might be on a path of self-improvement, trying to be better for him and myself, but it would be an empty path if he wasn’t with me. So for now my only concern is my boy getting better. The rest of the world can wait.
P.s. You wouldn’t have guessed it but I have also been facing my challenges today as I too am dosed to the high heavens. My temperature is up, my head and throat sore, my stomach aches. But like every other single parent out there you must push on. There’s no time to wallow. No one to fall back on except yourself. You have to be your own rock.
I will admit to having a few moments. Moments where I missed the comfort and security from my soon-to-be ex-wife. That bit of extra support. Moments where I too just wanted to lay down and not have to worry and be looked after. Moments where I would read about people talking about love (As it’s that time of year) and feel that empty spot in my heart. Little challenges which have been surmounted.
Thankfully by now (It’s 7:13pm) my boy is well on the mend. His temperature settled, his appetite back. That’s the most important thing after all!